Positively Parenting: Confronting bullying

Once a month, we pose a question submitted by one of our readers to a local professional or expert regarding parenting issues. For this issue’s question, a reader is worried that her middle school child is being bullied at school. Who better to ask for insight into school bullying than Daniel Island School’s own Carolyn Aarons, Director of Guidance.

QUESTION:

“My 8th grade daughter is getting bullied at school. How should she handle it?”

ANSWER:

Research shows that one in three children is directly involved in bullying as a perpetrator, victim, or both. Many students are witnesses to bullying but are not directly involved. Children of every race, gender, grade and socio-economic level are impacted by bullying.

Parents can help to reduce bullying by being a good example of kindness and leadership. Your kids both observe and learn from you in terms of how you behave toward others. When you interact with others in situations of conflict or discontent, such as how you handle a road rage situation, poor service or even dealing directly with your child, you have a great opportunity to model effective communication techniques by leading by example. You are showing your child that bullying is okay if you speak to others disrespectfully. Parents and adults are usually the last to know if a child is being bullied. You can support your child by talking with them every day and having conversations about their social lives. Ask them open ended questions about who they are friendly with, who they hang out with at lunch and recess. The more your child sees that you are open to talking with them, they will be more willing to talk with you about issues when they arise.

Many bullying situations start with social media or texting and are brought into the schools. Most social media sites have a minimum age limit of 13 years old. Parents should speak with their children about their expectations on how to behave on social media, what is okay and what is not okay. Parents should have access to their children’s accounts, monitor them regularly and control the password so your child does not have direct access. The parent should be able to view what their child is doing on his/her accounts. This goes for texting as well.

We need to support and empower our children. One way to do this is to teach them behavior that communicates an assertive and confident attitude.

· Your body language should be calm and confident, keep your chin up.

· Eye contact – When you want people to listen you should say their name and make eye contact by looking the person directly in the eyes.

· Use a facial expression that goes along with your message. For example, don’t laugh if you are being serious.

· Use respectful language such as, “Please stop.” Or “I’d like to sit here, too.”

· Using your voice to be heard, be positive, sound firm to tell someone to stop or appreciative if someone does something for you.

· Move away from someone who you want to stop bothering you. Move closer to someone who you want help from.

Children report concerns to adults when they have a problem that is too big for them to solve on their own and this is the right thing to do. We need to teach our children that it is okay to ask for help when they need it. Getting help when you cannot handle a problem on your own is not snitching. Remember adults cannot address the problem if they don’t know about it. Children need to report their concerns to someone they can trust and feel comfortable with, such as their parent, grandparent, teacher, coach or counselor. Make sure you are clear about what is occurring by giving and receiving specific information. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and has the right to feel comfortable in school.

Berkeley County School District has a process for reporting bullying in place. It is called “IF you SEE something, it’s okay to SAY something.” If you have observed or been a victim of bullying, threats, or a crime at school, SAY something to the district’s 24-hour free and anonymous tip line by calling 1-855-OK-SAY-IT (1-855-657-2948). Your School Counselor should have a way to report as well by way of a form available for students either in the counselor’s office, on-line, or in Google Classroom. Students can do this anonymously if they choose, but remember to give enough detail such as who is doing the bullying, where and how often it is occurring, and anything else you feel is important so that the counselor can help.

Additional resources for students and parents:

*https://edubirdie.com/blog/bullying-awareness-prevention

*www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/

*www.safekids.com/bullying-cyberbullying-resources/

*www.thebullyproject.com/parents

*www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/information-and-resources/parents-page/

Carolyn B. Aarons, Director of Guidance Daniel Island School