Social media shaming - it's not ok!
Positively Parenting is a monthly column featuring a question about a parenting issue submitted by one of our readers and a response from a local professional or expert. This month’s topic focuses on social media and teenage behavior. In order to get professional advice on how to deal with this type of issue, we turned to local parent coach, Christine Donavan.
QUESTION:
“Is public shaming on social media of teenage behavior OK?”
ANSWER:
I cannot imagine a time or place that public shaming of any kind is OK. Social media is even worse because it is a permanent record, can be passed around, and sets a bad example for impressionable teens.
All children long for acceptance. Adolescence is a time when peer acceptance and approval is critical. Teenagers are frantic to be liked and cared about. If a parent does something that will shame or ostracize a teenager in front of his or her peers, the relationship between parent and child is damaged, diminishing the parent’s ability to help their child’s healthy development.
If a parent is embarrassed or concerned by something a teen has posted publicly, it is tempting to sink to the same level and embarrass or humiliate the child in turn so that the child “knows what it feels like.” However, research has proven that nobody is ever motivated through shame or humiliation, and all it does is further alienate a teenager from his or her parents. Parents must be trusted to act like adults.
Public shaming of any type is mean and cruel. When moms and dads take the public shaming approach to parenting, children are taught that public humiliation is not only something they should expect to face, but something that is OK.
Though teenagers may act like they don’t care what parents think, the truth is that they care deeply. The toddler who constantly looks to loved ones for approval still exists inside that angry, belligerent, misbehaving teenager. Building our teenagers up in public and reserving conversations about consequences and poor behavior for private moments models respect and love.
Christine Donavan is an author, a parent educator, mother of eight, and a PCI Certified Parent Coach®. She teaches parenting classes in the Charleston area and also works individually with parents throughout the country. She may be contacted at: www.christinecoach.com or 843-509-1286.