Politics Not as Usual

Kevin is the tall Minion with two eyes. Bob has two eyes but is shorter than Kevin. And Stuart is the one with just one eye…I muttered to myself. To keep these characters straight in my mind, I studied pictures on my iPad. My lovely wife, Grace, and I are heading soon to visit our son and his family in Missouri. He and his wife have four children, all ten or younger. These grandchildren are well ahead of yours truly when it comes to trendy movies and toys, although that may say more about me than them. During a pre-visit FaceTime call, grandson Luke prattled on about Minions. Sensing this may have overtaken Frozen as the craze du jour, I wanted to impress the little ones by accurately identifying a Minion figurine when it was shoved under my nose.
“So, whom do you like?” Grace inquired.
I nodded, pondering her question and excellent grammar. It was a close call but I finally declared, “Kevin.”
“Kevin? Who is Kevin?”
“The tall one. He’s taller than Bob.”
“There isn’t a Kevin running, Dear,” Grace stated, “or a Bob, as far as I know.”
“Running for what?”
“President,” she answered and, when I did not respond, added slowly and somewhat emphatically, “of the United States…where we live…in twenty sixteen.”
“Oh, I…ah…thought you were asking about Minions,” I stammered, turning the iPad so Grace could view the screen. “This one, here, is my favorite.” She just stared at me. Feeling a need to break the silence, I volunteered, “He’s Kevin.”
Grace set down her coffee cup, leaned across the kitchen table, and put her hand on my wrist. In a soft tone she whispered, “Dalton, you are starting to scare me. Did you not hear Toogie and me? We’re sitting right next to you.”
Pointing at the iPad screen, I explained, “I was memorizing the names of…”
“I know, I know,” Grace interrupted, with her palms raised. “You were engrossed with cartoon characters.”
“Oh, they are more than cartoons,” I shot back. “Two full length movies, toys, and all kinds of Minion merchandise.”
Rubbing her eyelids with her fingertips, Grace sighed, “I’m sorry I asked.”
My Aunt Toogie, seated to my right, shot me a familiar smirk. It was the smug smile the grandchildren display when a sibling catches a scolding, or as the grandkids say, gets chirped. Having been both a smirker and a smirkee, at times, in my youth, I recognized that look. It still stings to be the recipient. I lowered my eyes, analyzing what to do next when Toogie spoke up.
“Don’t let him off the hook, Honey” she chortled. Fixing me with a sly grin, she added, “Grace and I were discussing the big field of Presidential candidates. So, Walt Disney, which ones do you like?”
Wanting to join their conversation, I contributed, “Well, it looks like Trump and Hillary are leading now.”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Toogie scoffed. “Would you vote for either one?”
“I don’t think so,” I mused, “they don’t seem to have…I don’t know…”
“Humility shortage in one case, integrity deficit in another?” Toogie suggested.
“Yeah, I guess that’s it,”
“Sad. Ben Carson?”
“He’s very measured,” I observed. “I like him.”
“Bernie Sanders?”
“Has a clear message,” I proffered, adding, “If we are going to elect a Socialist, we might as well have an official one.”
“Anybody else?” Toogie continued.
“I’m not sure. There are so many,” I replied. When she did not respond, I added, “I want someone who exemplifies that adage ‘speak softly and carry a big stick.’ You know, soft-spoken on the outside but tough as nails on the inside.”
“I think he just described Rhonda Rousey,” Toogie chuckled, directing her comment toward Grace.
“Oh, yeah!” I exclaimed.
“Do I know her?” Grace queried.
“Google it. She could stare down Putin and kick his butt! But she’s not running,” Toogie stated, adding, “Dalton, may I make a suggestion?”
I nodded affirmatively.
“If you studied the political candidates as closely as you studied those other minions, you would be better informed. Then you could select and support your favorite candidate. The election may be months away, but it may be more important for the grandchildren than one more cartoon character.”