It’s hot outside. It’s August. It should be hot outside. How about in your bedroom? Are things hot in there? If you’re married; why shouldn’t it be? The sexual relationship in a marriage is the most sacred component. You need good communication to be able relate to your children or your parents. You often need to develop good conflict resolution skills to be productive with your coworkers. But only in the commitment of marriage should you share physical intimacy with sex. Married couples often lose sight of God’s design for oneness and pleasure through sex. The energy demands of paying bills and raising kids drains the vigor that leads to passion. And then this unique component of the marital relationship gets ignored. So what’s a couple to do? First, they need to talk about things.
Talk about your sexual relationship each other and only with each other. This is not a “call-home-to-mom-conversation” or a venting session topic during boys night out. If things are not as heated up in the bedroom as one or the other partner might like, then the only one to talk about it with, is your spouse. If there are issues requiring professional help then by all means seek assistance from a reliable, trained counselor. Otherwise, this is between the two of you! Don’t reprimand, demand or accuse, but talk and then listen. Share what you feel is lacking or what your true desires are. Ask your spouse to do the same. Are you the best lover that you can be? Set up a private, special time and take stock in the sexual status of your marriage.
A “hot” topic for marriage conferences and retreats is anything dealing with sexual intimacy. So many married couples want to address this part of their marriage but they aren’t sure how. For almost any weekend retreat we lead, we are asked to provide one session on sexual issues. We traveled to Durban, South Africa last October and led marriage enrichment sessions for two separate groups of different nationalities. Both groups requested we lead a session entitled, “Seven Secrets of A Great Lover”. Makes sense, married couples all over the world want better sex lives. They just aren’t too sure how to get them.
Here’s one of the secrets: Great lovers put their mate’s interest above their own. They are thoughtful and give without expectation.
And here’s another secret: Great lovers get their perspective about sex from God. They give passion a high priority. Proverbs 5:18 urges, “Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose - don’t every quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!”
It is OK for it to be hot in August and it is OK for it to be hot in your bedroom; whether you have been married for months or for a decades.
For questions or comments, contact Greg and Deborah Brock at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Resources for Heating Up the Marriage
A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy (includes illustrations) by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau. Dr. Douglas Rosenau is a licensed psychologist, and a Christian sex therapist who has for the past seventeen years used his training in theology and counseling to help Christian couples enrich and reclaim God’s wonderful gift of sexuality within marriage. A Celebration of Sex answers specific, often unasked questions about sexual topics, presents married couples with detailed techniques and behavioral skills for deepening sexual pleasure and intimate companionship, and is an excellent tool for premarital education.
Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus You want sex with your husband to be fulfilling. But can sex be both sensuous and sacred? Written by two mature wives and Bible teachers, answers the questions women most frequently ask about physical intimacy. Through its solid teaching, warm testimonials and biblical insights, you’ll come away with full permission to be the best lover you can be!
Simply Romantic Nights by Dennis Rainey et al. Turn up the heat and make your marriage sizzle with the exciting ideas, romantic thoughts and playful plans found with this unique kit - 24 romantic adventures wait inside mysteriously sealed envelopes, and a romance inventory reveals your spouse’s romantic language.
The Gift of Sex: A guide to Sexual Fulfillment by Clifford and Joyce Penner. Clifford and Joyce Penner, clinical therapist and nurse, have written a sensitive and forthright guide to understanding sexuality and how it fits into God’s design for marriage. This revised and updated version features a new introduction, new illustrations, a section on sexual addictions and the Internet, and a timely discussion on sexually transmitted diseases and their consequences. With the latest information on sexuality and intimacy, this best-selling book is ideal whether you are newlyweds or have been married for years.
Simply Romantic Secrets created by Mark Witlock. Enjoy more than a year of creative encounters with 24 mystery date plans that will help you take your romantic EKG; embrace the mystery of marriage through practical wisdom from experts; and learn how to redefine romance.
Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by William Cutrer, M.D. & Sandra Glahn. If you want to take sex out of the closet — while keeping it out of the gutter — here’s help. From an obstetrician-gynecologist and seminary professor comes a fascinating and helpful manual. It comprehensively covers the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual components of sex as God designed it to be.