Stand By Your Man
***image1***We both grew up with parents who listened to country and western music. The twang in the voices that we heard vibrating across the airways still resonates in our ears today. Bits and pieces of the lyrics are imprinted on our minds as well. One song in particular that we both remember was written and sung by Tammy Wynette, Stand By Your Man. Even though the song may be a bit "cheesy", this classic hit from 1968 has some sage wisdom and the title alone has a great message for women. There is another woman today speaking (not singing) the same message. Dr. Laura Schlessinger, known as "Dr. Laura", is a licensed marriage and family counselor-turned-radio personality and author. In her recent book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, she "urgently reminds women that they have the power to control the quality of their lives with their men." Dr. Laura explains that emotionally men are ‘simple’ creatures and women only need provide such basic necessities as respect, gratitude, food, sex, and some space for ‘guy time’ in order to achieve the happy home they truly desire." Dr. Laura’s basic advice to a wife is that she should give her husband affection, approval and appreciation. In other words, "stand by your man". I (Deborah) read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I thought Greg might be offended at being characterized as a "simple creature". He readily agreed with the idea that he simply needed affection, approval and appreciation. He took no affront to having been called a simple creature. It was amazing to think that making a husband truly happy and satisfied evolved around just three things: affection, approval and appreciation! Throughout Dr. Laura’s book, she shares radio-show conversations, letters and e-mails from both husbands and wives. There are many heartbreaking stories from male contributors. Multitudes of husbands support the premise that affection, approval and appreciation are the key to their happiness. What they actually get from their wives is criticism, nagging and the cold shoulder when they crawl into bed at night. Mainly these men just want to know that they matter in their wives’ lives. Too often, careers or even the children take all the energy and time in a woman’s life. She knows her husband loves her so she gives him the leftovers. If a man endures too many years deprived of affection, approval, and appreciation, he is likely to give up on the current wife depriving him and look for another woman who can actually show him all those things. You may wonder why affection, approval and appreciation are redundantly listed in this piece. It is so the female readers remember the three A’s. It’s what husbands want from wives — affection, approval and appreciation. Wives, write the words on a sticky note and put them somewhere you will see them often. Take a personal survey at the end of the day and ask yourself, "Did I show my husband some affection? Have I expressed any approval of something he did? Does he know how much I appreciate him?" If you can’t answer yes to all three then before the day is over, "give him two arms to cling to"; "be proud of him"; and "keep giving all the love you can, stand by your man." If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact Greg and Deborah at brocks@familiesintraining.info.