For Christmas this year, my family has decided not to exchange gifts. Instead, we will make donations to help people in need.
However, Brody, the amazing fish-finding, and stock-trading dog did not get the memo.
Here is Brody’s Christmas Wish List:
1. A smarter human. While my human is nice enough, he is not able to find fish or trade stocks without me. Frankly, my back hurts from carrying this guy.
2. A human that can recognize a fishing pattern. Everyone knows that when the water temperature drops below 52 degrees, the metabolism of trout and redfish really slows down. To catch them consistently, you must use smaller lures with a super slow retrieve cadence. Is it too much to ask that my human learns this?
3. A human that does not want me to launch the boat. It is a major accomplishment for a dog to drive. Heck, I even have super high Uber and Lyft driver ratings. However, my human insists that I learn to back up a boat trailer. I feel like my accomplishments are undervalued. How about a little recognition under the tree? I promised not to pee on it!
4. A new life jacket. It is important for dogs to wear a life jacket while on a boat or dock. I have gained a little weight and my jacket is a little snug. Please make it adjustable. I plan to lose the weight before beach season.
5. A Peloton bike so I can get back into shape. If I can drive and back up a boat trailer, riding a bike should be a breeze. The spring fashion line up for dogs is most revealing. If I ever encounter a fashion designer, I swear I will bite them.
6. A three-month supply of Z-Man Finesse TRD lures in The Deal and Hot Snakes colors. My human spends entirely too much time at the tackle store. To tell the truth, he should spend that time learning to throw a stick. His throwing technique is embarrassing. All the other dogs laugh at him.
7. Santa, I have been a good dog. Please make a note of it.
Brody and I wish you the happiest of holidays. Give yourself a present and go fishing.