Postively Parenting: February question

Welcome to the second edition of our new 2017 series – Positively Parenting. Once a month, we pose a question submitted by one of our readers to a local parenting expert. For this issue’s question, we focus on digital consumption - a topic that we are currently exploring in a Daniel Island News series by Deborah Bailey (see pages 31-32). We turned to local Clinical Psychologist Dr. Susan West for the answer.

QUESTION:

“I am noticing that my child is spending more and more time in front of a screen. When should l worry that a real problem exists and how do I know when my child has had too much screen time?”

ANSWER:

I do believe that what you are experiencing in your home is consistent in most households. Children are wanting devices! Name them, they want them. Even toddlers. When I was doing some research for this article, believe it or not, there are pediatric screen guidelines for 18 month old children. That took me a minute to process. So in case anyone wants to know; it is not recommended that 18 month old toddlers have any screen time. Phew, I was worried that 18 month-olds might be snapchatting.

Determining how much is too much screen time is quite a challenge for many families. What do you consider screen time? Do you count computer, TV, cell phones, and gaming? It all counts. Plus they have time on the computer at school, if your school uses computers.

In a recent study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, it was demonstrated that kids can spend up to seven plus hours a day/seven days a week on devices. How does this impact our tweens (8-12) and teens (13-17)? This is a lot of screen time and it does not leave a lot of time for them to run around and be kids!

What are the red flags that tweens and teens are spending too much time in front of technology?

STRUGGLING IN SCHOOL

If there is a change in grades, and difficulty in turning in work, then examine how much time is being spent on screen versus homework.

LOSING INTEREST IN FRIENDS

Technology can be isolating, and yet can set up an illusion of being busy and connecting to others. It is important to have tweens and teens remember how to interact socially without devices and connect face to face with friends and family. Kids today will say they prefer to iChat (text, snap chat, etc.) because “everyone is doing it.” Technology is important and does have its place. But so do social skills. It is important for tweens and teens to have strong social skills in life. So remember to push back and remind them to put down the devices, talk to their friends in person, maintain eye contact. These basic social skills will get them a long way in life.

CHANGE IN MOOD

This is a harder one to measure amongst tweens and teens because their moods are mercurial at best. However, you know when your child’s mood is not quite right. If you think there is something wrong, check to see if he/she is more isolated, depressed, agitated, sad, struggling, or going through a challenging time. If so talk to him/her. If your child’s mood persists for more than two weeks, and his/her mood is impacting his/her school or social life consider talking to a professional.

CHANGE IN SLEEP (falling, or staying asleep or difficulty getting up)

Sleep is critical to tweens and teens. It is important to set time limits on screen time. Kids at this age need eight to 10 hours of sleep per night. Many kids at this age want to chat, play or hang out on devices in the late hours of the night. This behavior is alluring. It is seen repeatedly at sleepovers, or even on school nights, or whenever kids can sneak it. However it is not great for their development. Playing on devices can stimulate the brain, can make it more challenging to sleep, and, depending on what they are doing, and it can also be emotionally burdensome. Think about setting time limits for screen time.

WEIGHT CHANGE

Screen time can be a sedentary activity. Many studies have linked increased screen time to childhood obesity. It is important to keep kids active. There are programs on PBS that have Smartcat which asks kids to exercise during certain shows. These younger shows won’t help tweens or teens, but you can incorporate activities or physical exercise as part of older children’s ability to earn screen time. For example, if there is a movie on that has music in it my kids have to dance (it may seem silly however it makes them move). As they get older I will probably have to revise the way I get them to move during family movie night; however, this one works in our house. When they hear music they get up and dance. It also makes good family memories.

INABILITY TO MANAGE SELF

If your child cannot self-regulate getting on and off devices, it is a problem. If you are setting limits, boundaries, and your child is consistently breaking them with no regard to the consequences, you may need to reconsider whether your consequences have been consistent.

If you model a healthy outlook towards technology it will encourage your child. The converse is true. If you are checking your email constantly, taking calls during their games, texting, etc., it sends mixed signals to your kids.

The content of what they are doing on the devices is probably more important than the hours they are putting in on the devices. Think about the difference between using a device for an art project versus a social media site.

Set boundaries on what sites and hours your child can and cannot use a device, and be consistent and willing to talk to your teen about their opinions when establishing your rules.

If the rules are not working, talk about it. No one is perfect. It will take time to figure out what works for your family. Be willing to adapt.

Finally, open communication with your kids helps them feel connected with you in this new world. Discuss who is going to keep track of time (old fashioned timer, using an app, self report, etc.). There are pros and cons to each. Each family will find what model works best for them-there is no wrong way to approach this. Encourage family participation, especially from the kids.

Dr. Susan West began practicing on Daniel Island in 2005. She has a special interest in providing coaching services tailored to meet needs of individual, families, and couples. Dr. West offers services for a broad range of areas including: mild depression & anxiety, adjusting to various life changes (marriage, divorce, parenting, career change, etc.), post-traumatic adjustment concerns, academic difficulties, addictions, coping with chronic pain/health problems, body image concerns, and/or relationship difficulties. You can reach Dr. Susan West at her private practice, Susan L West, LLC, 225 Seven Farms Drive, Suite 201, Daniel Island, South Carolina 29492 at susan@susanlwestphd.com or (843) 471-1903.

HELPFUL TIPS TO REDUCE SCREEN TIME

• No screen time until all school work is done

• Screen time only on certain days of the week

• TV is watched with family for family shows

• TV’s and devices are not allowed in kids rooms

• All devices need to be returned at night and charged at charging station at an agreed upon time

• No devices at meals (no books either). Encourage family check-ins and conversation.