From Russia with Love - Adoption Stories

Twenty-one-month-old Peter Emerson descends on the backyard of his Daniel Island home on this crisp fall day like a pint-size explorer ready to tackle a great adventure. There is soft green grass to romp in. A playset to climb. A sister who loves to play chase with him. And a mom who is there to pick him up after the inevitable tumbles. It’s a far cry from the home Peter left just under a year ago. A place almost on the other side of the world and vastly different from this beautiful Lowcountry setting.

In December 2004, Barry and Kim Emerson, who have three biological girls of their own, adopted little Peter into their family from an orphanage in Tula, Russia.

"Before we ever had kids of our own we talked about how great it would be if we had the means to adopt a child who needed a loving family and a home," said Kim, watching Peter roll a Thomas the Tank Engine backpack around the yard. "We thought if we’re going to do it, we should do it now."

As Kim and Barry would find out, deciding to adopt is only the first step in a long and sometimes frustrating process. "You think it’s just going to be like another child coming into your family," she said. "But there is a lot more to it than that."

There were many choices to make. Did they want a boy or a girl? What country would they like to adopt from? Which agency should they go with to handle the adoption? How much money would it cost? Kim said that after doing some research, her husband chose Russia. Some good friends had adopted a child from Tula and recommended using Child of the Heart, an organization that is run locally by a woman from Russia.

"(We heard that) she gets the job done," added Kim. "So that’s what we really liked about (Child of the Heart). We knew we wouldn’t get caught up in a lot of bureaucracy that she wouldn’t know how to get around."

So, with help from their agency, Kim and Barry were off on their quest to bring their new son home. It began in March of 2004, when the Emersons started the required "home study," a lengthy process that involves checking out the home and family extensively. A certified home study person conducted an interview with Barry and Kim that was several hours long. Then, she came to visit them in their home on Daniel Island. They answered her questions and provided photographs of the house and all of the members of their immediate and extended families.

"The information they collect becomes ‘your story’ and that’s what you submit to the Russian government," said Kim.

There were other forms to complete as well. They also provided results from complete health physicals and even detailed financial information. All of the data collected went into their first "dossier" to Russia and had to receive the official "Apostille" seal from the Secretary of State in Columbia (meaning that it was notarized by a certified notary in the state). Once the packet was sent off, they waited to get a referral that a child was available to adopt in Russia. In July, they got a call about Peter.

"We got a picture and video of him when he was four months old," said Kim. "We took it to a local physician and had him look at it. He said Peter looked great…"

Although Peter did appear a bit "teeny" for his age, Kim said, they accepted the referral and traveled to Russia in September 2004 to meet the newest member of their family.

"He was so handsome and alert and loved affection," recalled Kim.

As part of the required process, they would have to complete a second dossier and make another trip to Russia before actually bringing Peter home.

"It was really hard to leave him in those same circumstances," said Kim. "You know this is hopefully going to be your child, but nothing is ever set in stone. I didn’t want him to have to go back into that environment."

Nevertheless, they returned home empty-handed and completed the rest of their paperwork. In December 2004, all of their documents were in order and they were ready for their final trip to Russia. Standing in a Russian courtroom, before a prosecuting attorney, interpreters, an advocate for the orphanage, secretaries and other legal personnel, the Emerson’s heard the words that would change their lives forever.

"They said ‘we grant you the right to adopt him’ and we just went ‘yeah!" added Kim pumping her fist in the air.

From there they took Peter to Moscow to get their visas for the trip home. Once he touched down at JFK Airport in New York, he officially became a United States citizen.

"He was 10 months old when he made that trip," said Kim. "When we got him, he couldn’t sit up or crawl and he couldn’t eat because he had been on formula…He had that ‘orphanage look’ of being pale, unfocused and not attached to anyone," said Kim.

He also had trouble going to sleep without crying for hours, recalled Kim. "It took him about six months to work through whatever sensory things he was going through."

Today, he is almost two and every bit the curious and adventuresome toddler. Although he is slightly developmentally delayed and must still eat baby food, he’s made great strides through his family’s love and help from three therapists (physical, early interventional, and speech).

"I know he understands me now. I can see the light bulb going off!"

The best part, she adds, is seeing the reaction her three daughters have had to Peter.

"My girls instantly fell in love with him. They’ve taught us so much about unconditional love," she added. "It actually took Barry and I a lot longer…it’s a process that you go through. The more things you do together and the more interactions you have, the stronger your bond grows and the more your heart grows."

Kim says there are other "God happenings" that would come out of Peter’s adoption process. At the time, all of the orphans were in a temporary building with little heat or running water, waiting for a new facility to be completed. As winter approached, time and money for construction were running out. Kim’s father, David Baum of Sanibel, Florida, heard about the orphanage’s plight and asked how much was needed to finish the job. Kim called her agency contact and found out it would cost about $10,000.

"(My Dad) said, ‘Kim, I’ll do it’ and I just cried... I said ‘Dad, you just saved 67 kids under the age of three, and he cried, too!"

Today, a bronze plaque hangs in the facility that reads "From Your Friends in America" and the name "Emerson."

There’s more. While Kim and Barry were on their second trip to Russia they met a three-year old girl in need of adoption. The child’s mother had pierced her eye while trying to abort her.

"This little girl had lost an eye and was very deformed…So while we were there we took her picture. She was all dressed up and was so nervous she was shaking, making sure she did all of the things they told her to do. When we got back home we had (our agency contact) put her picture out and soon 10 families came forward to adopt her. She ended up being adopted by a family right here in our area."

Today, the Emerson family feels very blessed to have experienced the adoption process. They can’t imagine their lives without Peter. As he meanders about in his new yard, examining leaves and other treasures thousands of miles away from his birth place, Peter seems equally content to be here. In the distance, there is a swing on the playset calling his name and a sister ready to push him.

***image2***When the Stelljes family first shared their adoption story with The Daniel Island News last November, they hoped the infant son they planned to bring home from Russia would arrive within a few months. One year later, the nursery still waits. The clothes they had picked out and stacked neatly in his dresser are now too small. A paper cut-out of the baby, traced when the Stelljes’ visited him in his Russian orphanage in Volgograd, lays in the crib in his room. The diapers are ready, even though he may no longer fit into them. Renee Stelljes says she’s not ready to change anything in his room for fear it might "jinx’’ his adoption.

"In some ways I feel like we’ve missed out on a lot, like his first steps," says Renee, who shares a home with her husband and their two daughters off Clements Ferry Road. "But for us everything will still be new. He’s never been in a car before, he’s never been to McDonald’s before, he’s never slept in a bed with a Mom before, so there are a whole lot of other ‘firsts’ to look forward to."

Renee and her husband, Dietrick, visited the baby for the first time last April, when he was just nine months old. They were able to spend about two hours a day with him on their 6 day visit.

"Everyone told me that if it was meant to be it would be just instant, and it really was," added Renee with a smile. "They handed him to me and I thought, wow, this is really my (child)… It was hard leaving him, and it made me in that short time become so attached."

But as with all adoptions in Russia, the first visit is only to meet the child. They would not be able to bring him home until all of the extensive and time-consuming paperwork was complete. Renee says the delay in his adoption is actually being caused by the baby’s birth mother, who has not completed all of the documents required.

"She apparently has not signed the paperwork terminating her parental rights, so the court system there will have to do that legally which could take four to six months," added Renee.

Their caseworker with Christian World Adoption asked them if they would like another child. They had already suffered an earlier heartbreak when they had to turn down a child with major health concerns. This time, they decided to let fate take over.

"We decided if it wasn’t meant to be with this baby, then it just wasn’t meant to be."

The clock continues to tick on the adoption process for the Stelljes family. In February, all of their documents will expire. That means hundreds of papers will need to be redone and recertified with the official "Apostille" seal by the Secretary of State. Renee, ever protective of her paperwork, will make the trip to Columbia herself instead of mailing the documents.

In the meantime, Dietrick will leave for Volgograd, Russia this weekend to visit the baby, who is now almost 16 months old. He plans to take video and lots of pictures of him to share with the family back home. Despite a few frustrating stumbling blocks, the Stelljes say their experience has been very positive.

"You have to look at the good side," said an optimistic Renee, who says their adoption tab will likely hit $45,000. "We’re 40-year-old parents…our child is getting older and we’re getting older. So that’s kind of something to look forward to. We still feel like it will all work out in the end and we’ll still have a child. Time passes by so quickly, does it matter if it’s six months or two years?"

They certainly hope it’s sooner rather than later. Renee and Dietrick plan to take the whole family to Russia next March or April to officially adopt their new son. Back in the Stelljes’ house, overlooking the Cooper River, a beautiful nursery awaits, ready to welcome him home.