How good are you at releasing guilt?

Guilt is a strange and, at times, a persistent emotion, often lingering far longer than we might wish.

 

In the most dramatic cases, it’s triggered by a parent’s divorce or surviving a natural disaster. (Why was I spared?) In the more common moments, it’s triggered when we break a promise, voice unkind words, or fail to fulfill a commitment.

 

At its core, “guilt arises when a person feels they have violated their ethics and morals,” said Gabrielle Hoang in a piece for the nonprofit Council of Relationships. Adds Elise Christian, writing for restless.co.uk: “Guilt plays an important role in shaping our morals because it helps us to learn from our mistakes and change future behaviors.”

 

But guilt, Christian said, “is also incredibly powerful and, if left unmanaged, can become debilitating, hindering a person’s self-esteem and personal development and causing pain and sadness.” Zia Sherrell, in Medical News Today, quite agrees: “Guilt is a normal emotion, but it can be overwhelming.”

 

TRIGGERING TOXIC AND EXISTENTIAL GUILT

Guilt goes by many names – toxic guilt, reactive guilt, anticipatory guilt. These stand alongside existential guilt – feelings of injustice, of life not being fair – and collective guilt.

 

Feelings of guilt can be triggered by a myriad of events, most of which are linked to actions we take. But it also can be triggered when others make unreasonable requests. Writes Crystal Raypole at healthline.com: “Guilt can be a powerful weapon, and many people know how to wield it skillfully.” 

 

Guilt-tripping, says Raypole, “is an indirect approach to communication.”

 

HOW TO RESOLVE FEELINGS OF GUILT

No simple solutions, but a few questions may be a strong start.

 

Sherrell continues, “Is my guilt fueling a desire to be a better person, or is it just a form of self-loathing and punishment that’s affecting my quality of life?”

 

From Kimberly Drake at psychcentral.com: “What specific aspect of this do I feel guilty about?” “Did I really do something wrong, or am I just perceiving I did something wrong?” and “Is it in my control to fix the situation?”

 

FORGIVING YOURSELF

Drake reminds us that “overcoming guilt is possible, even if it’s been lingering for a while.” And Sherrell encourages us to “refrain from judging or suppressing guilt. Instead, a person should approach the emotion with curiosity and openness.”

 

Hoang speaks of self-forgiveness and compassion: “Humans should release guilt and its emotional ties but still recognize the consequences of their actions. This is an example of being compassionate towards yourself.”

 

I enjoy Svetlana Whitener’s perspective. In her piece for forbes.com, she writes, “Be the voice of your soul, not an echo of your ego.”