How good are you at self-talk?

We all live with an inner critic, and at times, of course, it motivates us, to strive, to move forward, to improve. But so often, it seems, the internal gnawing works against us, creating a series of negative thought loops that inhibit our growth.

 

Writes Jennifer Schoonover, in a piece for thegritandgraceproject.org, “It may seem silly, but just that little ‘ugh, what were you thinking’ comment to yourself carries weight.”

 

Adds Laura Schmidt, founder of notestoself.com, “It’s common to lack awareness of how much influence our self-talk has. In actuality, it plays a major role in how we respond to events in our lives.” 

 

Taming Strategies 

Reorienting our internal conversations, from negative to positive, is a sizable challenge, but with awareness and a handful of tools, we can make headway. A few notable pathways:    

 

Professor Carol Dweck speaks to the power of the phrase “not yet” in explaining the importance of adopting a growth mindset, one that recognizes that our intelligence and abilities are not fixed, but are capable of evolving. 

 

Wrote Dweck, in addressing teachers, “Watch for a  fixed-mindset reaction when you face challenges. Do you feel overly anxious, or does a voice in your head warn you away? Do you feel incompetent or defeated? Do you look for an excuse? Watch to see whether criticism brings out your fixed mindset.”

 

Create Psychological Distance

Psychologist Ethan Kross, author of the book “Chatter,” encourages us to create psychological distance by using our own name when we talk to ourselves. He explains, “For example, rather than thinking to oneself, ‘Why did I blow up at my co-worker today’ a person could think, ‘Why did Ethan blow up at his co-worker today?’” Kross’ research at the University of Michigan’s Emotion and Self-Control Lab revealed that when we shift from first to third person, it “created emotional distance because it makes you feel as if you were talking to another person when you’re talking to yourself.” 

 

The staff of the Mayo Clinic shares a host of ways to shift our internal messaging, among them:   

● Instead of “I’ve never done it before,” try “It’s an opportunity to learn something new.”

● Instead of “It’s too complicated,” try “I’ll tackle it from a different angle.”

● Instead of “I don’t have the resources,” try “Necessity is the mother of invention.”

● Instead of “No one bothers to communicate with me,” try “I’ll see if I can open the channels of communication.” 

● Instead of “It’s too radical a change,” try “Let’s take a chance.”

 

The Physiological Impact  

“Words have a profound effect on the physiology of the human brain,” writes Regina Peacock, in her post for therapyden.com. “Exposure to positive words like ‘peace’ and ‘love’ can cause alteration of gene expressions in the brain. Numerous studies in neuroscience were also able to capture the effects of the use of positive affirmations. They found positive affirmations increase activation in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for personality expression.” 

 

So, the next time your inner critic starts working you over, take ’em aside… and have a word with them.