How good are you at trusting yourself and others?

“Trust is the foundation of every meaningful relationship we build,” writes Joanna Baars at counselling-directory.org.uk. “It creates safety, connection, and understanding.

 

“But trust isn’t just about believing in others  it starts with trusting ourselves. When we don’t trust our instincts, feelings, or decisions, it becomes difficult to trust others fully.”

 

Your personality, attachment style, and upbringing all play a key role in how you navigate trust. Rhonda Britten at fearlessliving.org states the obvious: “Your relationship with yourself is a unique one, and it’s usually a challenging one, but it’s the only one you can truly count on. This isn’t a relationship you can push aside, ignore, or cut out. You need to answer to yourself.”

 

Mixing nature with nurture

 

Our notion of who to trust begins at birth. Psychoanalyst Erik Erikson defines eight stages of development, and, appropriately, stage one is called Trust v. Mistrust. What constitutes a trusting start? 

 

“A secure environment provided by the caregiver, with regular access to affection and food,” says a National Institutes of Health report.

 

Attachment styles also play a role. Baars again: “If you have an anxious attachment style, you may struggle with self-trust because you rely on external reassurance to feel secure. If you have an avoidant attachment style, trusting yourself might feel easier than trusting others, leading you to push people away to maintain control.”

 

And what about those with anxious-avoidant attachment? “You might swing between craving closeness and fearing it, making trust feel like an impossible balance.”

 

Personality?

 

“Selfish, self-centered personalities,” says child psychiatrist Christine Adams in Psychology Today, “who Dr. (Homer) Martin and I term impotent personalities, will rarely be trustworthy. They may make a great display of how good they are at promising helpful follow-through in their relationships. But close examination of their actions

reveals they may drop the ball at work, with family, and with friends.

 

“Other-focused people, whom we refer to as omnipotent personalities, are super-trustworthy. Their word on a promise is beyond reproach.”

 

Self-trust vs. self-confidence vs. self-esteem 

 

Self-trust, it appears, is the cornerstone. And it stands apart from self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love.

 

Says Wayfinder life coach Tricia Rose Stone at rosecoloredglasses.com: “Self-trust and self-confidence might seem similar, but they’re not the same. Confidence is believing in yourself and your skills, while self-trust is deeper. It’s having faith in your instincts and decisions. Self-trust is the foundation of self-confidence; it goes one layer deeper.”

 

Annie Finch of Riviera Therapy weighs in: “Self-trust involves trusting your inner voice, listening to your intuition, and believing you can handle whatever comes your way. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is the overall sense of worth or value that we attribute to ourselves.”

 

The importance 

of cultivating trust

 

The Psychology Today staff acknowledges that trust involves “a degree of vulnerability,” but notes that “when trust is warranted… the return on investment can be great and significantly benefit mental well-being.”

 

What strategies can we use to enhance self-trust?

 

Finch offers a dozen, key among them:

 

● Challenge negative self-talk.

● Seek supportive relationships.

● Start small.

 

“Trust is always a matter of degree,” she said. “Take calculated risks, sharing a small bit of intimate information and observing how it is received and how they feel – before gradually increasing their investment.”

 

Our final word, and provocative challenge, comes from psychotherapist and author Paul Dunion of Psychology Today: “It’s common to focus on the trustworthiness of others while ignoring our own. I recommend focusing on your own trustworthiness before taking the inventory of others.”